Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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