he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
