As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
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