So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
