i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
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The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
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You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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