ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
