wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
