hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
