Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
No subtext here. People are naked.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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