been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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