pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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