so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
