Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
