Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
