he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
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Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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