all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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