Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
