i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
