Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
