theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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