im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
