no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
