i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
