Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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