I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
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