I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
