He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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