apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
