I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
