He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
