Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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