Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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