she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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