I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize