The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
