a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm passing your future prison.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
