he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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