did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
