I can text with my tongue
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You made out with two different species that night
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
True strength comes from lack of pants
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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