he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
