Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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