shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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