My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
