Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I party with great urgency now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
