I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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