Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
