hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
