Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
