I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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