If i come over, it means nothing
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
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The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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