Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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