Whod you bang
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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