I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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