Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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