I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
