I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
