I showed him my bush... on skype.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
