Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
