Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
